Please send your fishing jokes to Ralph Haefner so we all can share in the laugh...
An email from our friend, SalmonFun, on a trip to Big Manistee and Pere Marquette...
7:00 Alarm rings, sets snooze button and turns up electric blanket.
7:10 Alarm rings, sets snooze button and turns up electric socks.
7:20 Alarm rings, sets TV remote to see Regis and Kelly, gets out of bed to shave and shower. Air blows hair dry, files nails, sprinkles on after shave and cologne.
8:00 Chooses his morning brunch wardrobe from from dry cleaners. With white jacket on, walks to the breakfast room.
8:15 In breakfast room, he listens to the Weather Channel to best optimize how to ensnare the wary catch of the day.
8:30 Sits down for a breakfast of fresh-squeezed orange juice, quiche, and a sweet roll. Fills his flask with hot herbal tea to go.
8:50 Returns to room to re-dress for the days outing on the river. Checks list for:
9:15 Removes rod and reel from custom zippered case. Reties all his nail knots, needle knots, surgeons knots, blood knots, and turtle knots. Checks his leader box spools, reorganizes his fly box, and rewraps the hackle on his favorite fly.
9:45 Goes outside to practice his steeple casting techniques.
10:00 Gathers all his gear outside to meet the fishing guide and load into the shuttle vehicle.
10:10 They small talk about the latest Harvard and Yale football game on their way to the sporting goods store. Stops to purchase an out of state fishing license, a juice noose, high ride floatant, and some more nymphs.
10:30 Arrives at boat launch. Guide loads all the equipment into his drift boat and sets up the boat for departure. Fly fisherman boards the boat and organizes all his gear, camcorder, binoculars, classic creel, seine net, and fits his lagard on.
10:45 Guide pushes off and directs boat down stream for the first set of rocky rapids.
10:55 Just as the guide gets the drift boat into position to enter the rapids, the angler's cell phone rings. Only a faint voice can be heard due to the very poor signal in the remote area. The only audible sounds that can be made out is that the caller is a broker with an excited description of the mornings stock drop of over 800 points.
11:00 Angler tries to scream the order to sell but the poor phone signal keeps breaking off and the message can not get through.
11:10 The frustrated angler demands the guide to immediately rush him back to shore so he can run to the nearest land phone.
11:25 The angler runs from the rivers edge and disappears forgetting all his gear. He is never seen again. The story is that he was caught in the pool of monetary delusions.